Sometimes I think that my life feels like a series of linked unfortunate and embarrassing events whereby I trip literally or metaphorically over and put my foot firmly in my mouth. I'm fully adjusted to the fact that I have no control over my limbs or the words that come out of my mouth. I had not however, realised that it wasn't only me who suffered from random humilation at the whim of my body or wandering mind.
I've been attending a yoga class for the last 4 weeks in an attempt to get a little fitter, perhaps to try and get back the flexibility I had when i was at uni prancing around in my physical theatre classes. (I should point out that I am 28 not 50 but still, I'm definately seizing up and walking like an old lady at times). Yoga is surprisingly hard work, honestly guv'nor it really is. Some of the postures I'm completely able to do whilst in others, well, my boobs just get in the way. However, I'm loving the classes although there are a few little issues....
I can't stop getting the giggles. You see, people fart. Not me, I hasten to add, for once lack of control over my body is not an issue. However, some of the ladies in the class can't seem to stop the odd trumpet from erupting, proudly heralding their working bowel system. BRRRRRAAAAPPPPPPPPPP! Honestly. I completely thought the whole farting in yoga thing was a myth. So this morning I googled "why do people fart in yoga" and lo and behold there are 812,000 results. I even found unofficial fart ettiquette for the gym (the sum of which is to say hold it in till you can get to the changing rooms)(or pretend it was someone else). Everyone is doing it!
I looked through some of the results out of curiousity and then found this entry on a forum. I promise I didn't make this up. I actually had to do a silent creased-over laugh at my desk over this one...
"when it happens to me, i say a quick (and quiet) 'excuse me!' so that those near by--likely the only ones who heard it--also get the excuse me. when it happens in classes that i teach, i tell them that it happens to everyone.
the hardest are the vaginal gas releases after menstruation. whether i have or haven't practiced during menstruation, the first shoulder stand after menstruation always is executed with a 'vaginal fart' (though technically not a fart), and as far as i can tell, there's no way around it (mula bandha or no)."
Oh my god. Now I have to worry about those kind of farts too? Blimey.
The other reason I get the giggles in yoga is the lovely lady who always puts her mat next to mine. She's a little older and always says hi before the lesson. She seems really nice. She also snores like my dad at the end of every session when we do the relaxation. Every week since we began she falls asleep and snores away really loudly. What if people think it's me???? Is that a really bad thing to worry about? Why can I not switch off my own mind enough to not even notice what someone else is doing? Why does it make me laugh?
I have yet no answers to these questions, although this week I had a little snooze myself in the relaxation and it was lovely... until I woke up and I'd dribbled down my chin. Brilliant.
Marooned and toasted cheese
7 months ago