Pavement Etiquette

I've decided there are two types of people on the pavement today. The one (like me) just wants to get from A to B in as quick and sensible a manner as possible and feel that they are constantly obstructed in some form or other by slower or more inconsiderate pavement users.

The others are perhaps slower and less mobile and would like more consideration and respect from others - otherwise they are just students.

I have to be careful what I say here as I happen to work for a very well respected university and in no way do I dislike students (they practically pay my wages), although living and working in a student area does cause me a number of daily grievances. However, I fear I may digress into a general moany discourse on rubbish, flytipping and loud parties so I will go back to the point.

For those of us who wish to walk quickly (and are usually walking alone) there are the logical steps you take - moving out of the way for prams and the elderly coming the other way, giving some sort of warning before you suddenly change direction or stop and not using an umbrella as a walking weapon.

For the rest I fear there is a real lack of logic. I presume it's not just limited to students but I'm going to write about what I know here. When walking 3 abreast on a narrow pavement the polite thing to do when approached by another pedestrian walking in the opposite direction is to move aside and let them pass without forcing them onto the road. I have a colleague who I won't name who when faced with an immovable group of people will just use his shoulder to 'make a point' as it were.

So here I offer a few tips to my fellow pedestrians - a plaintive cry to the walker you might call it...

1 - when walking at night if you need to overtake a slower walker (particularly a woman) to avoid sounding like a stalker/mugger fast approaching from behind, perhaps just cross over the road before speeding up your pace. Likewise don't just stay walking right behind them either. It's weird.

2 - if you are walking somewhere and it's raining leave the golf umbrella at home. Or at the Golf Club. Either way don't walk down the road with it taking up the entire pavement and poking me in the eye.

3 - pick a speed and stick to it. Don't speed up and overtake me to only then walk really slowly in front of me. It's not drag racing.

4 - if you are wearing your funky wellies that make you look like the cool, kooky student you really want to be - don't jump in puddles and splash around when people are walking near you. It's just mean.

5 - you don't have built-in indicators or brake lights. Don't stop suddenly to look in shop windows or swerve to one side to wave at your friends. If you bump into me I'm liable to bruise.

6 - bicycles are not for the pavement. If you are scared to cycle on the road then you probably shouldn't ride a bike. Or maybe invest in some stabilisers.

7 - prams are not to be used to push other pedestrians out of the way.

I hope this clears things up slightly. Let me know if you have any other rules you would like to add to the list.